Category: Space Wars

Making the Case for Space

7/27/2020

Blank space promotes visual peace

Space truly is the final frontier! Everyone seems to be on an endless quest for it...for space in their homes...on their desks...in their busy lives! Yet it eludes most of us. Just as soon as we find some....poof! It’s gone and the search begins anew. But what if instead of spending all of our space, we kept some of it….empty?!! Today, I’m making a case for space!

First, how is empty space even useful?

It increases easy accessibility. The things you use every day will be easier to access and put away if you have less stuff cluttering up your cabinets, closets and drawers. Think of it as room to breathe for the stuff you keep.
It creates a sense of visual peace. Blank spaces cut down on visual noise, leaving you feeling calmer, more relaxed, and more in control of your environment.
It makes life simpler. More space means less stuff, which in turn means less overhead. You have less to clean, less to declutter, less to tidy, less to decide what to do with, less to move around in order to make room...all leaving you have more time, more money and more energy.

Preserving your empty space boils down to choosing space over stuff. You may be asking...if empty space is so valuable, then why do people tend to choose stuff over space? Good question! Clients usually call me when their lack of space begins causing a problem in their lives. They are aware that they need more space, yet still seem compelled to fill it back up again when given the opportunity. Why? Here are some of the most common reasons, along with my counterpoint for each one: Do any of these sound familiar?

Fear of being without something you may need (clothes, paper towels, shoes, serving dishes).
Counterpoint: If you run out of something, you can go shopping, do laundry, borrow from a neighbor, order online. If none of these are possible, you will likely find a way to make do in an emergency. Such emergencies will be very rare and far outweighed by the everyday benefits of having more space. Think up a back-up plan in advance if that makes you feel less afraid to part with something. (Personal aside: At the beginning of the COVID-19 crisis when toilet paper was difficult to find, I came up with multiple contingency plans for if/when we ran out. I never had to use any of them, but now that I have them, I don’t feel a need to use up my valuable space hoarding toilet paper.)

Avoiding a deep-seated (and usually misplaced) perception of poverty and/or a misperception of “wealth”.
Counterpoint: Having more stuff doesn’t make you rich. It actually costs you more in the long run. Would you rather be “rich” in stuff that gets in your way, or rich in time and energy that can be spent on having new and meaningful experiences, learning more about the world, and forging/maintaining important relationships? Which will matter more at the end of your life? Remember, the old adage “You can’t take it with you” refers to your material wealth.

Unwillingness to make choices (aka decision deferral).
Counterpoint: Making decisions gets easier and quicker with practice and takes less time when you do it on a daily basis. Developing a habit of making decisions in the moment takes effort but will pay huge dividends in the long run.

Need to fill up the other aspects of life that feel empty (relationships, self-esteem, productivity, sense of control).
Counterpoint: Space gives us freedom. We need space to live in, move in, fill up with the people and activities that bring us joy. When we do that, we will not feel emptiness; we will feel fulfilled.

So how do we create and maintain empty space?
Simple: Choose space over stuff. Now that you understand the value of empty space and why you may have chosen stuff instead in the past, it will be easier to make more intentional decisions in the future. There are three key components to this:

Slow down acquisitions. Think about spending your space the same way you think about spending your money. Realize that you can only spend it on one thing and spend it wisely. Decide in advance where you will store it and what you will get rid of to maintain or increase your current amount of empty space. If you haven’t figured that out yet, let the store or warehouse continue to store it for you until you do. It’s not a “great deal” if it means you have to spend space you don’t want to spend in order to save money.
Make decluttering a regular routine. Just like cutting the grass, washing your hair, or doing laundry, getting rid of things you no longer need/use is an ongoing, necessary task. The more often you do it, the less time and effort it takes. Creating a regular routine will make it a habit you no longer have to think too much about, just like brushing your teeth every day. Just do it.
Become a decider. Develop a habit of making decisions immediately instead of putting them off. This is the single, most-effective change you can make to take and retain control over your environment and your life. Every purchase...Every piece of mail..Every coupon...Every “freebie”...It all comes with decisions attached. The longer you wait to make the decision, the greater your danger of losing control over your time, space, money and energy.

Capturing space and keeping it requires some bold changes. Then again, so did sending a man to the moon. Are you ready to face the final frontier?
With a little conscious decision-making and a few good habits, even holding onto empty space can be easy peasy!

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Resolving Turf Wars Peacefully

2/22/2020

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Let's face it...relationships can be hard work, especially when it comes to sharing living quarters. Whether it's with your spouse, roommate, parent, child, sibling, friend or co-worker, occupying the same space day-to-day adds a whole new dimension--and often tension--to even the healthiest relationships. As a professional organizer, I've helped quite a few couples, families and work teams negotiate a peaceful resolution to their turf wars with just a few simple strategies. With good communication, a little compromise, and the right attitude, you too can arrange a ceasefire on some of these common war cries:

He/She never puts anything away!

Ask: Does he/she know where it belongs?

Everything should have a designated "home" and everyone who uses it should know where that is. Otherwise, it requires too much mental energy to figure out where to put it away, and it just won't happen. Labeling and/or making an alphabetical index of where things belong will help everyone remember where it goes until it becomes ingrained in their minds. It is never too early to start training your children to put things away. As soon as they are able to walk and hold an object, they can begin cleaning up after themselves. Pair pictures with the written labels for pre-readers.

Ask: Is it stored conveniently enough?

Everyone has an "inconvenience threshold" they simply will not cross in order to put something away, and it is different for each person. He/She may not even realize that having to stand on tip-toe to put an item back exceeds their threshold. Communicate without judgment to discover the issue and then work together to figure out a more convenient spot to store problem items. (And BTW, "without judgment" are two little words worth highlighting when it comes to negotiating any truce.)

He/She has too much "junk" and won't get rid of any of it!

Ask: How much of this item can I tolerate? and How much "junk" of my own am I guilty of keeping?

"One man's trash is another man's treasure", as the saying goes. Just because you don't see the value in something doesn't mean it has none to someone else. Talk through this respectfully and be ready to compromise. It's true that some people have a harder time parting with things than other people for a wide variety of reasons. Appealing to their sense of reason, sometimes with the help of an impartial third party like me, may help. Please be compassionate and never minimize the internal struggle another person may be experiencing when confronted with the idea of saying goodbye to something they really wanted to keep. Another helpful approach is to decide together on an amount of space each person can devote to his or her "junk". Determine specific limits, such as x number of bins, shelves or drawers, or a specific number of items, such as 30 t-shirts or 20 stuffed bears. "I'll get rid of this if you get rid of that" often works. Write down what you agree to, to avoid future disputes. Both parties should commit to paring down the stash once the limit is reached."

He/She wants everything out and easily accessible, but I like the visual peace of having it out of sight (or vice versa).

Ask: What items/spaces really matter to me?

Most people's preferences on this issue vary depending on the room or the items in question. Your spouse may prefer to have all of the appliances out on the counter in the kitchen for convenience's sake, but desire the visual peace of clear surfaces in the living room. The majority of us don't even know what our preferences are or why we have them until we really stop and think about it. Talk this through, and you will probably discover that compromise is easier than you think.

Ask: Can we rearrange the living space so that one of us doesn't have to see the other's clutter?

As an example, I need visual peace and clear surfaces in my living space but my son wants to display and enjoy his multitude of Lego creations for days or weeks on end. Solution: he keeps them in his room or downstairs in the play area where I rarely go, rather than in the living room where I spend most of my relaxation time.

Sometimes just understanding why you or your co-inhabitants exhibit certain habits or behaviors helps to defuse a potentially explosive situation. Don't let your frustration reach the boiling point. Think it through, talk it out, and be willing to compromise. With a little bit of effort, even sharing space peacefully can be easy peasy!

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Making the Case for Space

Resolving Turf Wars Peacefully

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