Blog Archives

Hold the Moment

9/21/2020

People say it all the time…”Live in the now”...”Practice being more present”...”Hold the moment”. But what does all that actually mean? How do you live in the moment? Aren’t you supposed to remember the past and plan for the future? How can you do that if all you ever think about is the present? Isn’t ignoring the past and future just plain irresponsible? These are all very valid questions that make living in the present feel so challenging to a lot of people. Isn’t it supposed to be easier? Yes! And once you have the answers to these questions it will be.

First of all, let’s begin answering what it all means by talking about what it doesn’t mean. Living in the present does not mean never thinking about the past or the future. After all, they are equally important components of your life. Reflecting on the past helps you learn lessons you then carry forward with you to help you better navigate the challenges you find here in the present. Planning for the future gives you a sense of hope and provides you with goals that inspire your actions now in the present and begin your evolution into an ever better version of yourself. Both are essential ingredients to living a happy life. But there is a big difference between thinking about the past or future and dwelling in them. The goal should be to use your thoughts about the past and future to help guide your actions in the present. It’s important to realize that action can only take place in the present. You cannot act in the past...you can only learn from the actions you once took. You cannot act in the future...you can only plan the actions you hope to take when you get there.

Most of us have a natural tendency to spend way more time on reflecting and planning rather than we do on actually doing. Living in the present means flipping those proportions. It requires a continual, conscience decision in the present to change. That’s why it feels so hard sometimes. I don’t pretend to be past the hard part yet, but logic, experience and hope tell me that - just as with any other habit - living in the moment gets easier with practice. And guess what? Reflecting and planning are often solitary activities. If you want to connect more with the people around you, spend more time in the present.

Try some of these actions, or start with just one and gradually add more over time:

Stop and take note of your surroundings. What do you see, smell, hear, feel and taste in this moment and what actions do they inspire you to take right now? Do your neighbors’ beautiful flowers inspire you to take flowers to a sick friend? Do it. Do the sounds of your children at play invoke feelings of maternal love? Go hug them. Does the sight of a homeless person move you toward compassion for their plight? Show it by acknowledging them on a human level in this very moment.
Act selflessly. Do one thing that will brighten someone else’s moment. Something as simple as giving a stranger a compliment helps pull you both out of your past/future trance to connect with each other in the present for that one brief encounter. You may find you like this enough to do it more often.
Explore your surroundings as though you were a young child or a being from a different planet or century. See the wonder in something mundane that is happening right in front of you as if you had never seen/experienced it before. Notice details you usually overlook to really appreciate the beauty of our world, our shared accomplishments, and each other.
Keep a gratitude journal. Include in your entries not only what you are grateful for but why you are grateful for it. Imagine how your life would be different without it. Forcing yourself to write about your gratitude brings it into sharper focus. Think about what other actions you can take right now--today-- to express how grateful you are for such blessings.
Just breathe. Feel the rise and fall, the rhythm, of your breathing and acknowledge your own frailty. One day you will stop breathing. Take this moment to sit in silence and merely focus on this wondrous thing we all take for granted that is keeping you alive right here and now.
Think about this moment from the perspective of the future. Are your present actions aligned with your future goals? Will the future you wish to be able to travel back in time and change this moment? If so, change it right now. If not, savor it right now while you still can.
Move! Your body is a miracle. Use it to more fully experience your presence in this world at this very moment.
Snuggle. Savor the physical closeness of someone you love. You will never be together in this very moment again, so cherish it. No words are necessary to convey your feelings. How amazing is that?
Write a note/text to capture and share your thoughts in this moment with someone else. Sometimes your words are the only tools you have to convey your feelings to someone who is not with you physically. Send them a virtual snuggle using your words instead.
Notice when your past speaks to you from the present. Observe the messages you sent your current self from your past self...signs, tshirts, photographs, memory triggers of all sorts. Instead of just using them to remember the past, apply those messages to the context of this moment. This is an especially powerful way to pull a loved one who has died into your present life. What would you tell them about your current life? What advice would you ask of them? What would they say about this moment if they were here with you right now?
Bring perspective to your current situation. Sometime we wish we were not in our present moment. That’s usually when we start dwelling on the past or dreaming about the future. Instead of trying to escape to one of those dimensions, make your here and now more pleasant by comparing it to how much worse it could be. For example, when performing a task I dislike, I often think, “Well at least I’m not being forced to dig ditches!” Suddenly whatever I’m doing doesn’t seem quite so bad after all!

We are all living through an era of great uncertainty, where longing for the past can be a futile and depressing exercise and planning for the future is virtually impossible without more information. There is no time like the present to start living more in the present. With a little practice and a new perspective, even holding the moment can be easy peasy.

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Socializing While Distancing

9/14/2020

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One of the most difficult aspects of social distancing is finding new and creative ways to stay connected to friends and loved ones. Zoom and FaceTime are great tools for having "face-to-face" conversations, but they are merely delivery tools much like FedEx or the postal service delivering a package. They do not replace the contents of the package itself. Traditional socializing has always been about so much more than just seeing someone else’s face while we interact. It also meets our need to celebrate milestones up close and in person, to burn off excess energy in real time as a group, work side-by-side in achieving a common goal, and exercise our collective creativity...all needs that are difficult to meet in this challenging time of social distancing.

In other words, sometimes we need more than just video conferencing to restore our sense of connectedness. Besides, Zoom fatigue is becoming a reality for many, especially now that so many of us use it for school and work. Below are just a few suggestions for ways to jazz up your socializing while maintaining a safe distance.* Best of all, none of them require a video stream!

Outdoor BYOP Movie Night (ok, this one requires video, but not that kind of video!) - All you need is a projector and a large screen or blank outside wall to host a family-friendly screening for your friends and neighbors. Allow plenty of distance between viewers and encourage participants to bring their own drinks and popcorn.

Drive-through Birthday/Graduation Parade - Encourage friends and family to drive by your house at an appointed time in cars decorated with balloons while the “guest of honor” stands outside to greet them as they drive by. Music and individually-wrapped candy or gifts tossed out the window are optional.

Outdoor String/Percussion Ensemble Concert - Medical experts have expressed concern about singing and some types of wind-blown instruments spreading the virus across a distance to an audience, but string and percussion instruments are safer and the performers are able to wear masks too. Set up a stage in your town square, or simply gather your neighborhood musicians on your driveway for a socially-distanced performance.

Patio Talks - Invite a few friends over to your outdoor space for an in-person visit. Be sure to wear a mask, maintain your distance and don’t share food or drink with members outside your immediate household.

Outdoor Olympics - Form teams from within your own household to compete at a distance with teams from other households. Suggested events include relay races, timed obstacle course (one participant at a time), horseshoe/cornhole/croquet tournament, bike/running races, and long jump.

BYOF Bonfire - Each family brings their own hotdogs and s’mores to a bonfire. Wear masks and maintain a distance while telling stories and playing socially-distanced games like cornhole, horseshoes, frisbee or croquet.

Sidewalk Chalk Gallery Walk - Neighborhood artists create chalk masterpieces on the sidewalk or driveways. Then invite neighbors to stroll through the neighborhood on a gallery walk and leave comments of their own in chalk.

Neighborhood Scavenger Hunt - Text or email out a list of items that can be seen from outside throughout the neighborhood and set a start/stop time for finding them all. The household who finds them all first wins. Cover a wide enough area that people can easily maintain distance while searching.

Tag-Team Community Project - Put your heads together to come up with a multi-step or assembly line project that benefits your community. Then assign each step or responsibility to a different household. Each family can photo-document their efforts to create a shared sense of accomplishment with the entire group.
Examples:

Plant a community garden (one family cultivates the ground, another plants the seeds, a third waters, etc.)
Collect non-perishables for the local food pantry (one family creates and distributes flyers, other families collect goods left on the porches of specific streets, etc.)
Assemble necessity bags for the homeless (each family purchases one item in an established quantity to be added to each bag, such as toothpaste, socks, snack bars, etc. then fills each bag with their item and leaves the bags on the porch of the next family who adds their item and passes it on. The last family delivers the bags to a homeless shelter.)

Outdoor Storytime - Gather outside at a distance while wearing masks to listen to a family-friendly story narrated by a natural storyteller in your group. Encourage each family to bring their own copy of the book to better view the pictures. Having the storyteller use a microphone will reduce loud talking/shouting which can contribute to spread of the disease.

Round Robin Storytelling/Play - This is similar to Outdoor Storytime, only each family takes turns acting out a scene from the story for the audience. It can be an established story or play, or each family can add to a made-up story, improv-style.

What are some ways that you are staying connected? Share your ideas in the comments!

Hopefully the Covid-19 crisis will be behind us either this year or next, but it may not be the last of its kind. Finding new ways to maintain our social fabric even in the face of a pandemic will only strengthen us as a society for generations to come.

With a little creativity and a few willing collaborators, even socializing while distancing can be easy peasy!

*You should still wear a mask and maintain a distance of 6 feet between you and members of other households during each of these outdoor activities as well as refrain from sharing food or drink with individuals that are not part of your immediate household.

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Finding Your Focus

9/7/2020

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If you're suffering from what I call "Covid Fog", you are not alone! Almost everyone I've talked to has experienced this phenomenon on some level during the past six months. Covid Fog is when you have difficulty sharpening your focus and/or maintaining it for as long as you used to before the Coronavirus pandemic shooed each of us into our respective corners of quarantine. Several factors contribute to creating Covid Fog: looser schedules, more frequent interruptions, lack of structure, changes in routine, mild depression, fatigue, boredom, grief, a dearth of motivation, and lapses in self-care are just some of them. Whatever the cause, the results can affect everything from your job performance to quality of life issues. Adopting strategies to help you find your focus is an essential first step in coping with the uncertainty that is 2020.

Here are my top tips for finding and maintaining your focus:

Create a routine framework. Go on autopilot for everyday tasks like personal hygiene, meal preparation and household chores or errands. When you do the same thing in the same order at the same time of the day or week, you become more efficient and are less likely to forget a step.
Plan your day/week in advance. This allows you to do all the focus-intensive strategizing at one time and enables you to create an overall approach that saves both time and effort and minimizes the unexpected.
Use calendars and lists to keep track of even minor tasks and appointments. In addition to ensuring you don't forget something, the mere act of documenting your to-dos helps to re-focus your attention and recalibrate your anxiety level about the challenges in front of you.
Perform your most attention-demanding tasks during your "prime time". Are you a morning person, or do you work better at night? Plan your day accordingly.
Adopt a movement strategy. Engaging in some small physical movement can re-focus your attention. Create a menu of options and keep it handy for times when you feel your concentration slipping. Taking a five minute break to walk around the block, climb a few flights of stairs, or toss a tennis ball in the air will pay dividends in your productivity.
Reduce electronic distractions. Turn off all non-essential devices, close unnecessary tabs on your browser, and silent notifications to reduce interruptions while working.
Try the Pomodoro Method to stay focused on a task. This involves setting a timer and working only on the designated task until the timer goes off. Then take a short 3-5 minute break before resuming work. (This break would be the perfect time to engage in your movement strategy.)
Create an effective tickler system. Remember things that pop into your mind while you're doing something else by recording these to-do items in a manner that ensures they re-surface at a later time. You'll be better able to continue giving the task at hand your full attention instead of devoting brain space trying to remember the new thought.
Make self-care a priority. Resist the urge to zoom in your pajamas. Showering and dressing just as you would if you were going out to work will subconsciously encourage you to take your work more seriously.
Create a clutter-free space in which to work or retreat when you feel overwhelmed. Visual noise creates distraction and stress. Spending a few minutes before you begin working to tidy up your workspace is a worthwhile investment. If creating a clutter-free zone inside your home is too difficult, go outside to work or to take a nature break when you feel overwhelmed.
Power your brain with the right kind of food. Instead of grazing on snacks while you work, take a break to actually focus on your meals so that your brain registers that you've eaten. You'll feel more satisfied and less sluggish if you're choosing healthy options instead of carb- and sugar-laden junk foods.
Establish some boundaries. Make it clear to family members, friends and roommates when you are working and wish to be left undisturbed, but also communicate your work availability clearly to bosses and co-workers to avoid the stress of feeling constantly on-call. By avoiding intrusions on either side wherever possible, you will be better able to meet the needs of each group during their designated times.
Build in a cushion for the unexpected. Some interruptions are unavoidable. Reduce the stress they can cause by making sure you have a back-up plan for when hiccups occur.
Set flexible goals whenever possible. Shower both yourself and others with as much grace as you can afford to give. Everyone needs more of that right now and it will likely come back to you just when you need it most.
Reward yourself for staying focused. Whether it's ten minutes to get on social media, a bubble bath at the end of the day, or a snuggle break with your kids, give yourself something to look forward to after all that hard work spent concentrating.
Breathe!

With a little intention, perseverance, and these strategies, even finding your focus through the Covid Fog can be easy peasy.

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Hold the Moment

Socializing While Distancing

Finding Your Focus

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