Let's be honest, nobody really LOVES Valentine's Day, do they? Many argue it's just a made-up Hallmark holiday, and you must admit they have a point. I've seen store shelves begin vomiting pink and red hearts as early as the day after Christmas. And truthfully, it can be a bit of a downer if you're single and wish you weren't, or if have young school-aged kids with 24 other students in each class for whom they (read: you) must make handmade Pinterest valentines (or buy the corny, overpriced, store-bought versions). Any teacher will tell you, a classroom full of two dozen preschoolers hyped-up on valentine candy bears little resemblance to the sweet cherubs pictured on said valentines. For most of us, it becomes a forced, obligatory day to spend money on roses and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and then summon all of our will-power not to eat any of it. And by the way, how did the feast day of a saint come to be associated with so much sex and edible underwear?
Like many, I used to really dislike Valentine's Day for all of the reasons listed above. Until, that is, I began to reflect on why this day is named after St. Valentine in the first place. First, a brief lesson:
Very little is known about the real St. Valentine, but he is believed to have been a priest (and some say bishop) and physician who was martyred for his faith in Rome during the third century. Some accounts say he befriended and healed from blindness his jailer's daughter. Others claim he defied the Emperor by secretly marrying couples to spare the husbands from war. He is the patron saint of lovers, epileptics and beekeepers (which I, as a lover and a former epileptic who loves honey, can really appreciate). Now, as anyone can tell you, the Catholic Church doesn't make just any ol' body a saint. Martyrdom alone requires a great demonstration of love, as does healing your enemy's daughter and risking your life to spare others theirs. So it makes sense that a day about love would be associated with this saintly, loving personality, regardless of how much of the legend is based in fact.
I would argue that if we re-calibrate the meaning of Valentine's Day to focus more on loving all others as St. Valentine did, rather than on just emphasizing romance and retail sales, it takes on a whole new meaning and could easily become a new favorite holiday.
So what does it mean to LOVE ALL?
L - Listen more, talk less
O - Observe where you can meet the needs of another
V - Value every being, even those who are challenging to love
E - Empathize with those who are hurting
A - Act to make the world a better place
L - Lean in and don't be afraid to risk yourself, your pride, or your comfort for the sake of others
L - Learn from those whom you wish to emulate, as well as from your own mistakes
Let Valentine's Day be an opportunity to celebrate all types of love, not just romance or love of chocolate, and to express it in all manner of ways. Be sensitive to the fact that people who don't have a sweetheart often need extra love from everyone else on February 14th. Maybe those little kids have the right idea in giving a valentine to everyone, even those they find challenging, because we all need love and love is all we need. What are some valentines you can pass out to show those in your life that they are special and valuable? Some ideas:
It doesn't take a dozen roses or a heart-shaped box of chocolate to make someone feel loved on Valentine's Day. With a little thought and a lot of heart, celebrating love on Valentine's Day--and every day--can be easy peasy!
Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, New Year's, or Festivus, December tends to be a frenzied time of year for most of us. Perhaps you are familiar with this old-fashioned holiday recipe?
1 cup Family Togetherness
3 cups Overcommitted Time
2 teaspoons Desire to Impress Others
1/2 cup Unrealistic Expectations
1 3/4 cup Excessive Spending
4 tablespoons Bad Nutrition and Lack of Exercise
2/3 cup Exhaustion
Name Your Goal
What's the most important point to your holiday? Is it spiritual reflection? Spending time with loved ones? Giving something back to help those less fortunate? Taking time to savor the tastes, sights and sounds of the season? Reliving fond memories through old traditions? For many of us, it is all of these things, but you must determine which is #1 on your list so that you can prioritize your activities accordingly. When scheduling conflicts arise, ask yourself which calendar item most reflects your #1 goal for the season. This will help you not to spread yourself too thin. It's okay to say "no", especially if it means saying "yes" to a more relaxed and enjoyable holiday!
Keep it Real
Even Martha Stewart doesn't do it all herself. She has a staff of people to make it all look easy...which it isn't. People are rarely impressed with frazzled hosts/hostesses. Be realistic and accept that you have limits. Embrace them and spend time on the things you enjoy doing to make the season special...a cheerful smile is always pretty impressive, don't you think? It's okay to buy the dessert for your party or to give a gift card you picked up at the supermarket, especially if it means having more time to spend with the people you care about.
Set a Budget
Also not impressive is bankruptcy. Don't give yourself the gift of massive credit card debt this year! Decide what purchases most reflect your #1 goal and budget accordingly. If giving to those less fortunate is at the top of your list, consider making charitable donations in a loved one's name as your gift to them. If enjoying the sights and sounds of the season is imperative, factor in those tickets to the Nutcracker or that especially tall Douglass Fir and plan ahead. It's okay to shorten your gift list to fit within your means...you may find that others are relieved to have the opportunity to shorten theirs too.
Norman Rockwell aside, most of us have some degree of dysfunction or disagreement within our extended families. Holidays tend to bring out the short tempers in everyone, so agree to some ground rules before your spinster great-aunt or your unemployed cousin move in for Christmas week or your mother-in-law reluctantly agrees to let you make the latkes for Hanukkah. It's okay to put all your cards on the table beforehand so that everyone knows what to expect (or what not to).
Give Yourself the Gift of Good Health
Stress and fatigue lead to illness. Over-indulgence leads to guilt and a wide array of health issues. Make the time to eat right, exercise and rest. Your friends and family would rather have you for the holidays than the presents, food and parties. It's okay to take care of you during this busy season so that others won't have to.
Don't forget, today's holidays are tomorrow's memories...you'll treasure them more if you don't make unreasonable demands on yourself. Even memorable holidays can be easy peasy if you just relax, celebrate and enjoy!
Re-printing this oldie but goody from last year's EasyPeasy Living Newsletter. (Click here to subscribe to our FREE monthly newsletter.)
Be honest. How many New Year's resolutions have you actually kept? I mean kept long term...as in accomplishments you have maintained over the years since you made up your mind to change?
Most of us resolve on January 1 to get fit, lose weight, get organized, quit smoking, save money... We jump head first into it only to burn out and give up before Valentine's Day. Many of us keep making the same resolutions year after year...and fail at them year after year.
For it to work and to stick, it requires commitment to real change...life change...permanent change. That's not something to undertake on a whim or to jump into without a plan, especially since our self-esteem is usually the biggest casualty of non-success. Resolutions may be made overnight but are only truly achieved over a lifetime. They require personal evolution.
Anyone who has studied science knows that evolution takes time and patience...perseverance, adaptability and survival. To put the odds in your favor, set yourself up for success:
Each January there's an outbreak that reaches almost epidemic proportions. Professionals like me are inundated with requests for house calls to try to eradicate it from homes like yours...I call it 'Gift Guilt", and it can be debilitating, especially for the organizationally-challenged.
When it comes to purging unwanted "stuff" during the organization process, gifts rank high on the hard-to-part-with list. Whether we realize it or not, there's a sense of obligation hidden inside every gift box...the obligation to like the gift and appreciate it and keep it FOREVER. What many people have difficulty understanding is that the thing we are obliged to like, appreciate and keep is the sentiment, not necessarily the object representing it. This is a hard concept to embrace, and since not everyone is able to innoculate themselves from gift guilt, there are precautions gift-givers can take to help defend recipients from this malady.
Chances are that when you give a gift, you focus primarily on whether or not the recipient will like it. That's great, but not enough. Just because they like it doesn't necessarily mean they have room for it, or wish to go to the effort to dust/clean/iron it, or know where to store it or how to use it. Each of these issues can harbor the gift guilt bug inside. Consider instead a consumable gift that will only need to be stored temporarily until used up.
Here are a few suggestions:
Services - Give a gift certificate or make a coupon that offersyour help with one of these:
Food/Beverages - Bake a batch of cookies, package up a mix (with instructions for finishing it), buy a bottle of their favorite tipple. Just be cautious about food allergies.
Charitable Donations - Make a donation in their name to a worthy cause that touches their heart. Guides like the United Way's Guide to Charitable Giving can help you select an organization that will make the most of your giving dollars.
An extra added bonus is that most of these are easier to wrap and require less paper than most traditional gifts.
No one ever intends to give a burden as a gift, but sadly, a gift can become just that if the recipient can't use it or doesn't have room for it. With a little imagination and the right attitude, gift-giving and receiving can be easy peasy.
We've all heard the old saying that house guests are like fish...after three days, they both start to stink. However, in both cases, the foulness can be avoided if you prepare properly.
Festivities such as weddings, holidays and graduations frequently include overnight guests from out of town, and all too often we find ourselves scrambling at the last minute to clean the house and search for extra pillows in the midst of the existing chaos of preparing for the event itself. With the holidays fast approaching, now is the perfect time to start laying the groundwork for anticipated visitors by taking some or all of these steps:
Teach your little patriots some history with a July 4 treasure hunt! Create 10 multiple choice question cards, each with three options (A, B, and C). Place one question card in an envelope along with three tent cards...each one labeled on the outside with A, B, or C. Glue or tape a clue to the location of the next envelope inside the tent card labeled with the correct answer and leave the other two "wrong" tent cards blank. The last clue should lead to the prized "treasure".
In addition to teaching them about history with the question cards, you can use the clues to teach kids about rhyming, figurative language, relative positioning, or anything else you want them to master.
Below are the 10 questions I used, but you can modify them to the appropriate age level of your kids and can adapt the theme to any topic:
Question 1: Who was the author of the Declaration of Independence?
Question 2: Who is called the "Father of our country"?
Question 3: What city is the birthplace of our national anthem?
Question 4: Which of the following was NOT one of the 13 original colonies?
Question 5: What do the 50 stars on our flag represent?
Question 6: Where is the Liberty Bell located?
Question 7: What is the name of Thomas Jefferson's home?
Question 8: Which country helped us to gain our independence?
Question 9: On what holiday did George Washington make his famous crossing of the Delaware River?
Question 10: Whose face is on the $20 bill?
The clues you use depends on where in your home you will be hiding the question/answer envelopes, but a couple of examples are:
Get creative and match the difficulty level to your kids' abilities.
No, no, no...it's not that kind of "something"...those days are over (thank goodness)! But it's not too early to get your holiday bake on. Whether you are baking pies for Thanksgiving, Christmas cookies for Santa, yummy bread to give as gifts, or quiche for a New Year's brunch, planning and doing a bit ahead of time will reduce some of that holiday stress...save that for dealing with the in-laws and your sugared-up kids!
Valerie Sheridan is a professional organizer, wife, mother of two, and Founder/Owner of EasyPeasy Living.