The start of another school year is upon us! 

No doubt you’ve stocked up on pencils and a rainbow of pocket folders. 
The kids have brand-new sneakers or a snazzy new lunchbox or backpack. 
You’ve filled out the endless forms and read notes from your child’s teacher/s. 
Those of you sending them back in person after 18 months of home schooling may even have some champagne on ice for toasting your triumphant return to some well-earned peace and quiet at home during the weekdays. 

But the preparations don’t stop there. I’ve polled teachers at all levels (preschool, elementary, middle and high school) to find out what, beyond the obvious stuff of buying supplies and communicating with the school, parents can do to ensure a successful school year. Even after 13+ years at this school-age parenting thing, I learned a few things I could be doing better.

Here’s what they said:

For younger kids (preschool through elementary)

• Practice using the restroom and other basic hygiene - It may not have occurred to your that teachers cannot always help your child with some of the most basic stuff for a variety of reasons. Teach your child how much toilet paper to use; how to wipe properly; proper hand washing; blowing their nose on their own and disposing of the tissue; and how to approach the teacher if an accident occurs. Go through each step like a tutorial and START EARLY  (preschool) so that they have mastered these things by the time they start kindergarten!
• Teach kids to tie their own shoes and zip their own jackets - Most first- and second-graders should be able to do both. This will not only save the teachers a lot of time (imagine tying shoes and zipping jackets for 20+ kids!), it can also save your child some embarrassment and teasing from their peers when they aren’t able to do it. When my kids were little, someone suggested they practice shoe-tying with a jump rope tied around a table leg. The larger size helped them to first master the mechanics of it before trying it on a smaller scale.
• Make lunches accessible without assistance - Teachers and lunch aides spend a lot of time opening drinks and food packages, and in these days of Covid-19, the fewer lunch items they have to touch, the better for everyone.  They ask that parents make life easier for everyone by practicing at home how to open packages without making a mess (especially inserting straws into drink pouches!) Send in lunches that kids can manage on their own until they’ve mastered those skills. For example, loosen the cap on a water bottle or repackage bags of chips and individually-packaged snacks into easy-to-open containers. Also, don’t forget to include napkins and utensils in the lunchbox. All of these tips will save time, allowing your child more time to eat and socialize during lunch! Teaching them how to properly close and put away lunch items was another suggestion to help lunchtime go smoother for all.

For older kids (middle and high school)

• Ensure they’re getting adequate sleep - Teachers work hard to create engaging lesson plans, but holding a teenager’s attention can be impossible when they are too tired due to lack of sleep. Insist that they plug in their phones to recharge outside their bedrooms before bed to prevent them from staying up to all hours texting their friends or surfing the web. Teenagers require even more sleep than younger children. Enforcing a reasonable bedtime on school nights is not parental overreach, even for high schoolers.
• Know when to back off and let your child handle it - Many parents step in too soon, others don’t pay enough attention. Encourage your child to self-advocate in a respectful manner and let them try to resolve issues with peers and teachers first, stepping in later if needed. Role-play at home over and over to help your child know when to speak up, what to say, and how to say it so they feel more comfortable doing it on their own.
• Encourage involvement in extracurriculars - One teacher observed that middle and high school students tend to have a happier experience when they get involved in sports, theater tech, clubs and such. This provides them with an opportunity to broaden their horizons, discover new interests, meet new friends, and feel invested in their school, as well as to learn about teamwork.
• Buy them a planner and teach them to use it - I say it all the time...it’s never too soon to teach your kids organizational skills. And what better place to start than with keeping track of their homework, tests and deadlines? (I”ll be covering this in more detail on this blog in the coming weeks.)

For kids just learning English

• Support them with English-language materials at home - If your family speaks another language at home and your child is learning English, provide them with English-language books, educational TV programs, and audio books.
• Learn the language along with your child - If you do not speak English yourself, take available ESL classes and practice speaking English at home. Do not allow your lack of English skills to discourage you from participating in school meetings and events. Your attendance lets teachers know you are participating in your child’s education, and any and every exposure to the language will likely help you learn it faster, even if you can’t follow everything at first. Most school systems have interpreters present at events involving parents, or you can request supporting materials in your native language.

For all age groups

• Teach and model respectful behavior - Remember that you and your child’s teacher/s are a team. Work with them to ensure your child is working to his potential, taking responsibility for his actions, and treating others with dignity and respect. If you disagree with a school or classroom policy or decision, discuss it with the appropriate person privately, calmly, and respectfully. Do not disparage teachers or administrators in front of your child, as this undermines their authority and sends a message to your child that it’s okay for them to do the same. Correct your child’s bad behavior when it is brought to your attention by the teacher/s and insist on good manners and best efforts. Placing an emphasis on effort rather than on grades will alleviate anxiety for everyone, including you.
• Pay attention! - Show an interest in what your child is learning about. Know when they have a big test or project coming up and encourage/help them to prepare. Visit the classroom and participate in parent meetings at the school, such as Back to School Night, whenever the opportunity arises. Join the PTA to stay informed. Let both your child and their teacher know you are there without hovering.
• Provide a dedicated area for studying/homework - Lounging on the couch or bed to do schoolwork can be distracting and sends the wrong signal to the brain. If there is no space for a desk, use a kitchen or dining room table.
• Teach self-advocacy - Help your child feel more comfortable coming to the teacher for help or clarification. I would add that kids with IEPs should be aware of their accommodations, use them, and know how to speak up when they are not getting them. High schoolers with IEPs should participate in all meetings pertaining to their plan. Once they get to college, they will have to self-report and self-advocate 100%, as parents are completely cut out of the process.

And now, the #1 response from all teachers at all levels…(drum roll, please)

• READ!!!  - One high school teacher said, “No homework to do? Family reading time!” Teacher after teacher said they couldn’t stress enough the importance of reading every single day. Many stressed continuing to read to your kids even after they learn to read themselves. Read to them, read with them, let them see you reading...no matter how old or young your kids are...make reading central to their everyday life. Read road signs. Read recipes. Read comics. Read cards and letters. Read subtitles. Read magazines, newspapers and books. Just READ!

And speaking of reading, you’ve already taken the first step in helping your child have a successful school year just by reading this blog post! Stay tuned for more Back to School tips over the next few weeks. Here’s to a fantastic 2021-22 school year! [champagne bottle pops]

​

It's mid-September. By now, everyone is back in school, the extracurricular activities have resumed, and the seemingly endless stream of papers have come pouring in...papers telling you:

• when PE day is each week (so you can make sure they wear their sneakers)
• who the PTA volunteer recruiters are (so you know who to avoid at pick-up time)
• what's on this month's cafeteria lunch menu (so that you know which days they will complain the most that you didn't pack them a lunch)
• why over-scheduling your kids (and yourself) by signing them up for this particular after-school activity will be worth all the self-loathing later
• how reading aloud every night to your kids will help them become better readers (does reading the McDonald's drive-thru menu count?)

Maybe you're one of the lucky ones who is really on top of things and you've already managed to complete and return the 431 start-of-a-new-year forms that have made their rumpled way home in your kids' backpacks. But now the real fun begins...HOMEWORK!!! Ugh! Trust me when I say that if you have any hope of making it to Halloween with a single hair still on your head, you are going to need a plan...a good plan...for keeping yourself and your kids organized for school. But with a proper set up and a little daily maintenance, you can turn all that back-to-school chaos into back-to-school cool.

First, it's important to establish a solid after-school routine. Even if your schedule varies depending on the day, try to have a set routine for when the kids arrive home with all their stuff. We call ours "backpack unpack" time. Unpack and repack lunchboxes (if applicable) right away to avoid a scramble the next morning. Designate a landing pad where each kid can unpack homework materials and a separate "inbox" where they can leave papers for Mom or Dad to see or sign.

Next, equip your kids with a homework station. Whether it's at a desk in their rooms or contained in a bin or basket that can be transported to the kitchen or dining room table, make sure they have a clear work surface and all the supplies they need to complete their homework assignments...pencils, sharpener, erasers, highlighters, ruler, compass, calculator, protractor, glue stick, scissors, crayons/colored pencils, and paper. Try to keep it well-stocked and somewhat organized. If helpful, include folders for keeping study aids and work in progress easily accessible.

Third, maintain a common calendar for tracking all upcoming tests, deadlines, project due dates, and other reminders (such as "Wear Sneakers" every PE day and "Remember Library Books" every Media Center day). Color code it using a different color ink for each child. Post it in a central location and train the kids to review it each morning before school and each evening before bed. Gradually teach them how to share responsibility for maintaining it.

For older kids, help them set up their binders with divided sections for each class and two separate homework folders: one for homework to be completed, and a second for completed homework that is ready to turn in. Encourage them to write all homework assignments and upcoming tests, quizzes and projects in an agenda during class and then review it each evening to be sure all assignments were completed. If applicable, you can also check your school's online assignment tracker just in case they forgot to write something down in their agendas. (This will also help you know about upcoming tests and projects so you can add them  to the reminder calendar.)

So now, what to do with all those papers they bring home for you to see or sign? Well, let's start with the stuff you DON'T have to keep: You do not need to save every piece of graded classwork or artwork your child brings home. Less really is more when if comes to selecting keepsakes. Only THE MOST precious items should make it into your keepsakes box, lest you end up needing to build a new wing onto your house in a few years to hold a forest of paper you will likely never look at again. (You are more likely to look at it again if you have less of it...trust me on this!) As for the rest of their work, once you have reviewed it, you really only need to keep the papers that may be helpful in reviewing, either with your kids or their teachers, potential problem areas. 

Any other papers requiring action, such as permission slips or sign-up sheets, should be addressed and immediately returned to school in your child's backpack (with instructions to your child on what to do with them) or added to your To Do pile. Information about school policies, test results, and report cards should be filed. Any other items not requiring action can be discarded after reviewing them.

Finally, if you aren't already in the habit of weekly dinner menu planning, I strongly encourage you to try it. It's an investment that can save you a ton of time, money and sanity on hectic school nights. Check out this helpful menu planning tutorial to get you started!

With a little planning and the right attitude, making it all the way through the school year with a full head of hair still intact will be easy peasy!

It's that time of year again...when life returns to its usual hectic pace after the lazy summer months. Four days into the new school year, I've finally finished celebrating. Now it's time to put away my martini glass and batten down the hatches, because we're about to get hit with a hurricane of homework, extracurricular activities and PTA events.

I'm a person who loves routines--no, needs routines--in order to function well. I  find that it helps to be able to go on autopilot for everyday tasks so that I can save my brain power for when I really need it, like understanding what those international laundry symbols mean. (By the way, if you have the same problem, here's a key that you can print out and tape above your washing machine for future reference.) Routines are a great way to make sure you are squeezing in all of your repetitive, must-do tasks that, if forgotten, could be problematic...like going grocery shopping, doing the laundry, and brushing your teeth. But what happens when you have a one-time or less essential task or activity, like fixing the broken closet door or making time for friends, or getting a physical? Where do they fit in when your day is already packed to the gills with work, housework, homework, grocery shopping, chauffeuring the kids and laundry? Chances are, they get deferred until you have some "free" time. And when is that? When your kids leave home  or you retire? (I've been told by those in the know that that golden goose is a myth, too.) Or worse, they happen when the fact that you have deferred them for so long leads to some crisis that makes them suddenly essential, like discovering you are really sick.

Time is like money and available calories: limited and once gone, you can't change your mind about how to spend it. Anyone on a food or financial diet will tell you that advance planning is the only way to avoid wasteful spending, yet few of us put that much advance thought into how we will budget our time in order to fit everything in.

Start with plugging the leaks and becoming more efficient:

1. Multi-task by returning phone calls while you are doing something mindless, like laundry or cleaning (invest in a bluetooth if you need to).
2. Turn wait time into productive time by storing your reading in a tote you can take with you to appointments or other places you are likely to be kept waiting.
3. Carry paper and pen with you so that you are always prepared to write a letter, make a To Do list, or create a shopping list or menu plan during unexpected wait times.
4. Keep a "Stuff we need" list in your wallet or phone for those times when you have a few minutes to kill and are near a store.
5. Delegate tasks to your spouse or kids or hire some help for chores like cleaning, tutoring your kids, or yard work. It may be the best money you ever spent.
6. Organize your home so that you spend less time looking for things, shopping for things you already have, or putting things away. This also makes delegation easier if everyone in your home knows where to find things and/or put them away.

Next, prioritize according to your core values and current needs. Which comes first, health or friends? Financial security or time with the kids? There's no right or wrong answer, and the answer isn't always going to be the same for every situation. Sticking to your new diet and exercise program during your lunch hour may be more important right now than having lunch with your co-worker friend, but it may not be as important as lunch with the friend who is moving halfway around the world or was just diagnosed with cancer.  And it may not be as important once you feel more confident that you will get back on track the next day. Perhaps your kids are your priority, but  the financial security you need to provide them with a key opportunity means you have to work overtime for awhile, even if it takes you away from them for now. My point is to make conscious, well-thought-out choices about your time after weighing everything. Don't just let life happen to you by default. Grab the wheel and decide what direction you want to go in. It is okay to say no to something!

Finally, stop feeling guilty about spending time on you. (I'm Catholic, so guilt comes really easy to me and I struggle with this one.) You are the most important person in your life. Without you, none of it matters, so you should be a top priority. If you need to exercise or meditate or shop or nap in order to feel refreshed and ready to tackle the rest of your seemingly endless To Do list, then do it! Nothing kills motivation like resentment, and that is what you will end up with if you don't take time out to tend to your own needs from time to time. Put it on the calendar, just as you would a doctor's appointment or parent-teacher conference, because it is just as important.

As my mother-in-law likes to say, "You're a long time dead", so make every minute count while you can!